My palpitating heart

**WARNING: This post may seem whiny. I don't want it to, I'm just trying to honestly express my feelings. ALSO, please note that I am beyond excited about my trip to Africa and my new job/house!* *

      Let's get real. My heart is beating fast. I think it may explode. I think Abby would be proud of me for writing when I feel like this though! :) So many things seem like they're happening at once, and I really have to keep calming myself down, because I'm getting heart palpys (palpitations). *P.S. DON'T FEEL BAD IF YOU QUIT READING AT ANY TIME. I'M A TERRIBLE WRITER, AND AM MOSTLY JUST DOING THIS FOR MYSELF*  :) My trip to Africa is heavy on my heart. So heavy. Can't stop thinking about it. Unfortunately, because I worry WAY too much, I keep thinking about the financial part. I don't want to think about it. I want to be thinking and praying about the babies in Africa and our safety and all of these other things, but I keep stressing about finances. Our trip cost $4150 for each of us, total. Trish and I have each raised about 3,250 each. Yes, that is super exciting, and we are SO thankful for everyone who has helped us, but...that means we still each need $900! We have to have all of our money in by the end of June...which means we have 20 days to raise 1,800! I feel like lately all I have been putting on Facebook is how you can support us financially. And I hate that. I know the Lord will provide it somehow. I know that, but I still worry. I KNOW it's wrong. I'm trying not to do it. I pray about it a lot. Please, please join me in praying that I don't worry so much....and pray that He provides the money. I know He already has it all planned out. (On a side note, this experience has forever changed the way I see people fundraising for mission trips. Pretty sure I'll always give to other people now!) And I am beyond thankful to serve a God that is alive and is actively at work. I do not understand how anyone can go through life without that hope; that reassurance. 

    The Lord has already blessed my heart so much by giving me so much help from so many different people. I have cried on multiple occasions, because I'm just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed that someone I hardly talk to would send me a sweet card with a check in it. Overwhelmed that while I was at the newspaper putting our Garage Sale ad in the paper, the newspaper lady got out her personal checkbook and wrote me a check. Overwhelmed that people that don't have much money gave their washers and other items to our garage sales. I am blessed. So blessed. Maybe I'm emotional too. But, I am blessed. I don't know why I ever doubt. 

   Even before my Africa trip is my transition to a new home, and the start of a new job. If you know me, you know I don't really like change. That's why the same sheets have been on my bed for a year. Hahah. Totalllllyy joking! But seriously. Change is hard for me. I always just want to back out and sit on my couch at my mom's house. New jobs are scary.  I honestly don't know how to do any part of this new job! I will have to ask a thousand questions and get embarrassed a thousand times before I can do it well. And I don't like that. I want to be able to go in and wow everyone! But....its hard to do that when I'm clueless. I'm also moving...into my first own little house/duplex. Which means that I need to furnish it. Which means I need money. Thankfully, a dear friend of mine just gave me a mattress (Btw, do you know how much mattresses are??? Outrageous!!). She is seriously such a blessing! Please don't get me wrong, I am pumped about having my own living space to decorate, it's just kind of overwhelming. I am thankful though. Very thankful! And I can't wait for my sister to decorate it for me. haha ;)

   Thirdly, my sister is having another baby boy, Jase! She is due at the end of August! I'm SO excited about another baby boy! We are throwing her a shower the weekend I get back from Africa! And I want it to be the best shower in the world. I want it to be beautiful. And I really hope I can do that for her and Jase.

   Fourth, please pray for Caleb and I. I know not many people hear the voice of Jesus loud and clear these days, but I would love to. 

   I hope everyone that is reading this knows me and my heart. I hope you know I'm thankful, and excited, and that I know God is in charge. I hope you don't go away from this page thinking I'm a whiny, ungrateful person who has no faith. But, maybe since you've seen a little bit of my heart, you will pray for me. Please pray for Trish and the rest of my missions team as well. Hopefully I'll update this thing a little more often now since my thoughts are everywhere.

 

love, love.